Day 50

April 8, 2013

I made it to 50 days of gratitude! Cue the trumpets: doo-doo-doo-doo!

English: Trumpet bell

I am grateful to be back at work today. A rough weekend always makes me appreciate the ability to get away from problems while at the office (assuming the office isn’t also a source of consternation).

My throat is also not as sore as it has been, which is great because I have voice lessons tonight. I haven’t been able to sing well for months because of some head cold or other problem. I’m really grateful for my voice teacher. I always leave her studio feeling happier. Even if I’ve had a bad day, 30 minutes of singing can really improve change my outlook on life.

I am still struggling with incredible depression today despite my gratitude. I feel like despite some positive changes at home that things are going well, but I can’t exactly explain why. I am hoping that some quiet meditation and reflection might provide some insight.

There was an interview with Adam Grant on the Diane Rehm show today. He wrote the book Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success. One of the callers asked for his advice to people who are givers, especially in a work environment. He responded with a precaution (I’m paraphrasing), ‘People who are givers need to know that they are making a difference.’ He also said that givers need to make sure to take care of themselves.

Both statements rang true to me. I’ve been taking care of everyone at home and feeling as though things aren’t getting better. Or, if they are getting better I can’t really tell. It is selfish of me, of course, to feel so indignant that no one is taking care of me. After all, I am responsible for taking care of myself. No one else can really do that for me. Still, it would be nice to have a little tenderness and compassion every now and then. I think I am burnt out.

I hope voice lessons will be one way I can rejuvenate. I have to think of other ways I can take better care of myself, too. As a mother of three small children, finding that time can be hard, but I believe my heart is hurting too much right now and I need to find answers so I can be present to my kids. Otherwise, I am cheating them out of a mommy.

Maybe I’ll find some answers soon.


About einoka

Mother of three. Wait! Mother of three? Yes, indeed. Plus, wife to fabulous husband. Geologist. Doodler. Vivid dreamer.
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