April 18, 2013
I am going to try to tune out the sound of the floor buffer outside my new office, but as a sound sensitive person the noise is piercing my brain in ways that make me want to scream. Even though the custodian is moving away from my office, I can still hear it. Until the sound is 100% gone, my brain will be in high alert mode.
Sigh. The pitfalls of being a sensitive person.
There is an upside to being a highly sensitive person, but our society generally harps on all the negative aspects and so I, too, have come to berate myself whenever my tolerance level for noise or stimulation is lower than others. Right now, I would like to go into a sound proof room and breathe easily. Or, I would like to punch the janitor in the face (which really wouldn’t be fair since he’s just doing what he was told to do).
You see, this is why gratitude is so hard for me some days. Intellectually, I can be grateful. But physically, I have trouble “getting” the serenity that gratitude theoretically brings. I am bombarded with irritants that make gratitude almost impossible to feel. I mean, how do you feel grateful while you’re IN pain?
For instance, I had lunch with my dad today. I am really grateful for our time together. He and my stepmom just moved to Alabama so I don’t get to see him as frequently. His visit brought a smile to my face.
That smile lasted about a half hour before I became grumpy again. I watched CNN about the plant fertilizer explosion in West, Texas, and my little heart just aches for all the families involved. What a crazy tragedy!
On Monday, Boston. On Wednesday, West, Texas. Life can be so brutal sometimes. And here I am complaining about the floor buffer. Damn! I feel self-centered. I feel like there isn’t a thing I can do about either of these situations. Just sit and watch. The time to donate blood to the American Red Cross is BEFORE a crisis, not during. Besides, and I don’t weigh enough or meet the height requirements to donate blood in the first place.
We do have a lot of children’s books at our house. I could donate books to families in West, Texas, who lost their homes. Maybe I can find other things in our house to donate, too. That would be a much better place to start. Christ in action comes to mind.
I’m sorry I’m rambling today. A lot going on. I am just so grateful that my family is alive right now. Life is fleeting. Life is precious. Every moment.