April 26, 2013
First, I’m grateful it’s Friday! Woo-hoo, Friday!!!!!!!
Second, I’m grateful I had the chance to go on an amazing run with DinaP this morning. I really needed to get some air into my lungs. I feel like we must have been birds at some point because there is a flying sensation when I run. My heart needs to pump hard to take flight.
Maybe it’s just the endorphins. Or, endolphins as Annette Bening said in the movie Postcards from the Edge.
Whatever the case, I felt free for a moment, which is good since I’ve been fidgety all week. I have this sensation that I’m missing something, that I’m supposed to be doing something other than I’m doing, but I don’t know what it is.
Something just isn’t right. I don’t feel fulfilled, but that seems strange to me. I’m practicing gratitude. I think my life is just a tad lackluster at the moment. I don’t get to spend time with PEOPLE at work. I love the energy that my children have (even if it is exhausting sometimes). I love visiting them at school. Children are just so bright and so full of JOY. It is contagious. I’m telling you: If you want to know God, spend time with young children.
So, yeah, I feel a little empty without my little ones. I feel weird in my new office. I feel cut off from everyone else. I’m working in isolation and even though I’m an introvert I do have a social butterfly that desperately wants to get out of the cage and flap her wings.
I think it is such a crime that preschool teachers don’t get paid enough for all the management skills they require to run a classroom successfully. Or teachers for that matter. Mothers don’t get paid at all for raising children, but I feel like if we did a lot more of us would stay at home with our children and really invest ourselves in raising them. Our future is in their hands. If we don’t guide them, they will be lost. That is a huge, huge tragedy.
Instead, many women (mostly educated but I haven’t done a thorough research job and am waving my arms broadly here) go around feeling guilty for wanting to stay at home with their kids and not pursue an important career. Plus, economically we’ve gotten to the point where many households can’t afford for both parents NOT to work.
Is it wrong that I find this unacceptable? I’m not a socialist or communist. I’m an idealist. I know reality doesn’t match the ideal.
But I’m working on it. I’m even thinking of recycling or donating all my Martha Stewart and Country Living magazines (gasp!). My house is never going to look like that. I will never get around to making those cute crafts. Maybe when I’m retired, but that’s a long time from now.
We have a big weekend ahead. I’m grateful that I will have time to be with my family. They are the heart of my life. They are the place I start and the place I end. Thank God I’m about to return home!