Day 328

January 17, 2014

I have to admit that I’ve cried every day for the past week. I am just so overwhelmed with everything.

I am grateful for friends who have let me lean on them. I am grateful for my parents who have provided me with emotional support as well. While I grieve and stumble, I know I am not alone.

And, when all is said and done, my children keep me strong. They are such beautiful beacons of light. They are able to seize the day in all its glory. It is inspiring.

Just this evening, I was outside on the playground with them. My son was thrilled to be outside even though the temperatures are still rather cold. He climbed through two tunnels and reported this information to me with great pride. TWO tunnels! What a feat!

Who’s heart wouldn’t melt at such a thing?

Then, my middle daughter’s Twinkle Toe Sketchers lit up the night sky as she swung on the swings. Mini fireworks in the middle of January.

The biggest gift my children have given me is their love. Sometimes I fall apart when I realize how much I’ve let them down, but I am under so much stress that try as I may I cannot stop the tears some days.

At the same time, the girls have been really helpful. They’ve helped me with gathering trash from the small trash cans, put away dishes from the dishwasher, load dirty dishes … all things they never really did before my husband went into the hospital. I’m grateful they are helping and I’m grateful they are learning some powerful life lessons.

When my oldest asked for new Twinkle Toe shoes even though she already has a regular pair of sneakers that fit her, I had to tell her about our financial situation and how new shoes might have to wait. I explained that until things got back on track we would have to be careful not to spend money on things we don’t really need.

Thankfully, my daughter didn’t freak out. She took in the information and responded to my reassurances that we would be fine. I am so grateful for that. I can’t keep her from knowing the truth, but I can couch it in such a way that she isn’t burdened with more than she needs to handle.

My kids are amazing. I am so very, very blessed.

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About einoka

Mother of three. Wait! Mother of three? Yes, indeed. Plus, wife to fabulous husband. Geologist. Doodler. Vivid dreamer.
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