Day 362

February 22, 2014

Our neighbor, Steve, took me and the kids out to one of our favorite restaurants this evening.

I’m really, really, really grateful he offered. I’m really grateful I accepted.

Not only did it spare me having to cook dinner, but I’ve really been struggling with loneliness today. Sure, my kids keep me from being alone and fill my day with much joy, but I need adult companionship every now and then. The only reason I got dressed today was because we were going out to dinner with him. Otherwise, I would have covered my head and figured out a way to sleep.

One thing I’ve starting thinking about is the connection between depression and loneliness. I am beginning to wonder how much of my depression is related to a lack of social interaction. I don’t get much social interaction at work and I spend the rest of my time taking care of the kids. Sometimes I can chat briefly with another mom, but often times it doesn’t go deeper.

Having my dad around for almost three weeks made me realize how great it is to have someone to talk to that isn’t under the age of 8. While I am an introvert and get overwhelmed in social settings, I am finding I want to be around people more these days. I am really, really lonely. My goal is to broaden my circle of friends. Reaching out will help with that.

Don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. They just don’t have the ability to discuss things the way adults do, and as hard as it is for me to admit, I have adult needs. My kids have until recently been the absolute center of my life. They still are, but I need to make room for others to be in my life. I’m not a robot.

So, tonight, despite having a rough day emotionally I am feeling content and full. Dinner was lovely. The kids are happily playing in a bath. I am catching up on my gratitude blog. I’m not hiding under a rock or living in a shell.

I can do this.

I can.

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About einoka

Mother of three. Wait! Mother of three? Yes, indeed. Plus, wife to fabulous husband. Geologist. Doodler. Vivid dreamer.
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